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GOLDEN, Colo. (CBS4) ― One wouldn't think a detective who is paid to unveil secret affairs would have the most romantic outlook about relationships, especially on a Valentine's Day when her office sees a big spike in calls about cheating spouses.

Years spent sniffing out cheaters has apparently given Irene Smith some perspective, though, and those who aren't showing respect for their lovers might want to heed her advice.

Smith is a detective in Golden who was quoted in a not-so-romantic story about infidelity that was published in the Wall Street Journal. It turns out that Valentine's Day is the perhaps the busiest day of the year for private investigators.

Perhaps this phenomenon occurs because romance is on everybody's mind on Valentine's Day, and a lover whose partner is generally absent for hours on end wants to find out if what they have is really true love. Smith told the Journal that "if anything is going on, it will be happening on that day."

Smith operates the Discreet Investigations detective agency, and told CBS4 Tuesday morning that she was so busy she could hardly think straight. She said her first call from a client came in at 4 a.m.

In an interview Tuesday with cbs4denver.com, Smith shared her perspective on some of the deeper meanings of love and why it sometimes doesn't work.

cbs4denver.com As a private investigator, is Valentine's Day a particularly busy day for you?

Irene Smith Yes.

cbs4denver.com Are you more busy at specific times of the year? If so, what are those times?

Irene Smith New Year's, Valentine's Day, Summer.

cbs4denver.com What seems to be the most common thing people are contacting your office about around Valentine's Day?

Irene Smith To confirm their suspicions. They feel they will have a better chance finding out this day from dinners, lunches, gifts/flowers/cards, etc.

cbs4denver.com You run your investigation agency out of an office in Golden. Does your experience in exposing infidelity lead you to think that people in Colorado tend to be more prone to cheating?

Irene Smith Absolutely not. My business is nationwide, and so is infidelity.

cbs4denver.com Does your line of work tend to lead you to the conclusion that the notion of "true love" is hogwash?

Irene Smith No. True love takes work and commitment. It also includes respect for your partner.

I have found many individuals go into relationships based on the fantasy of continued passion and lust. When these illusions, as I call them, subside, these individuals become disappointed and unhappy. Many times individuals in an affair want to keep their existing relationship and/or marriage. However, through going outside the marriage/relationship they continue their search for the same "high" they first experienced when they met their original partner. They feel someone else will provide this.

Many individuals having affairs in time realize that one must have more in common with a future life partner than just a fantasy. A fantasy is short lived. True love can last a life time.

cbs4denver.com Do you have any words of advice for anyone who might be involved in some sort of affair at this time of year?

Irene Smith Yes I have advice, but I can also tell you that individuals presently involved in an on going affair will for the most part not be interested in any advice from anyone. These individuals are too wrapped up in themselves and the excitement of what they are doing to stop and think about what the possible consequences will be once the affair is found out.

Again, in most cases, they do not even think about the possible destruction of their families (his and hers), friends and possible job from the affair.

Here is something else interesting: I have found in many cases some cheaters do not want to lose their existing spouses/relationships. As crazy as it may sound, these cheaters seem to get their "drug of choice" from the deception and sneaking around involved in having the affair. It is exciting to them.

What starts infidelity many times is boredom in their exiting relationship. They start finding fault with their spouse or significant other and feel this "other" person understands and loves them more. Their ego is basically stroked.

They stop communicating to their spouse. They don't want to put forth the effort to work on their existing relationship because the alternative (affair) for the moment is so much more exciting and rewarding. Many cheaters end up in a divorce and some do marry the person they were having the affair with only to find out down the road this new relationship is worse than the relationship they gave up.

On the other hand, infidelity found out can many times make a stronger marriage with the help of professional counseling.

Additional Resources

• A special section of Smith's Web site, discreetinvestigation.com, lists helpful pointers for those looking for "Signs Of A Cheating Spouse."
  

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